“I am Zlatan. What more do you need to know?

I don’t chase. Things come to me. Goals, trophies, legends — and yes, beautiful women too. I have scored more impossible goals than you have had hot dinners. I am 6’5” of Swedish-Bosnian-Croatian perfection. Muscular, tattooed, bald by choice (because hair is for mortals), and built like a statue that museums fight over.

People say I have a big ego. Wrong. I have three.

If you want a man who will take you to the stars, buy you what you desire, and make every day feel like a victory parade — swipe right. If you want normal… go date a midfielder.

Zlatan does not do boring dates. Zlatan does fireworks. Lions do not compare themselves to humans, and I do not compare myself to other men.

Come. Impress me. Few can.”

Interests:

•  Scoring bicycle kicks in life

•  Winning (everything)

•  Fine cars, watches, and even finer company

•  Gym at 5 AM because legends don’t sleep like normal people

•  My kids (they already call me King)

•  Talking about myself in third person — it’s more accurate